> Can conflicts be portals to connection?

MEDIATION HELPS TO TRANSFORM A CONFLICT INTO A PORTAL TOWARDS CONNECTION. If you are anything like me, you live from a worldview where you’re not always sure if the other humans are on your side. Speaking for myself, I have been existentially alone for most of my life, holding the unspoken assumption that the others are my possible enemies, rather than possible friends. This is a trauma-induced mindset, and it is what kept me isolated on a deep level. Sure, on the surface I am your friend, but deep down lies a wound that is so vulnerable, that trust can feel dangerous.

I’m working on it.

Especially since the nonviolent communication (NVC) intensive retreat (‘IIT’) I attended in 2023—but also before that, with many NVC trainings and ‘empathy sessions’—more and more I am tasting this new paradigm where conflicts are portals to connection. All it takes is safety, vulnerability, honesty, empathy and willingness.

As a mediator, I provide the space where these qualities are invited. In this space, having a conflict no longer means ‘you are my enemy’, but rather: ‘my trigger tells me some very important needs are not being met right now’. A mediation explores these needs and makes them clear for us both.

OK BUT WHAT EVEN IS MEDIATION? Mediation is a supported dialogue between 2 or more humans, where the mediator takes on the role of empathic listener, translator, safety person, and more—as needed in the moment. The mediator is NOT a ‘referee’ or a ‘judge’. When I mediate, I focus on seeing the beauty (i.e. the needs) in each mediant’s expression, and I convey this message to the other person, in a way that maxmizes the chances of mutual understanding.

When we see each other’s needs clearly, we have the highest chance of actually wanting to cooperate in each other’s hapinness, with a minimum chance of (later) resentment. We can then move towards requesting strategies that can meet those needs—all of them, without sacrifice.

No sacrifice = no resentment.

I offer mediation based on connecting communication principles (NVC). This is intended for, among others, (ex)romantic partners going through challenging times, co-workers or neighbors having a conflict, family members that don’t or can’t speak to one another—basically any human situation where we cannot hear each other anymore, is where mediation can help.

A common misconception is that mediation is only for couples in a bad relationship, or for partners going through a divorce. Mediation can actually be a tool for keeping healthy relationships healthy. If more couples, coworkers, neighbors, friends would use this tool, they can allow their bonds to flourish all the more.

The ‘nonviolent’ mediation approach is intended to facilitate mutual understanding based on communication at the level of feelings and needs. Feel free to reach out with any questions, or read along below for more info.